I have declared for as many years as I can recall that I ‘hate my birthday’. Or alternatively referred to it as a holiday I don’t observe. The sign is so synonymous with the birthday blues that there is an entire category of memes devoted to the existential dread of being born this time of year. Poor Cillian Murphy (who’s actually a Gemini) has become the internet’s poster child of the Virgo aesthetic.
So is it just quintessentially ‘Virgo’ to be miserable about turning one year older?
I blame a lot of it on the fact our birthdays land around the same time the new school year starts. As a child in a family of five children, my birthday was always lost in the shuffle and I felt like an inconvenience needing to celebrate the same week the logistics of a new schedule got underway. It was ‘business as usual’ and the day went largely unacknowledged as anything particularly special.
The season is also changing so you are unavoidably confronted with the glaring reality that change is upon you, and while other signs are settling into post-summer cozy vibes, we are doing a self inventory. It doesn’t help that this is when the ‘winter lock-in’ posts begin.
So it tracks that even as adults we still associate this time of year as the real new year. This is the time to review the past year and set new intentions — but instead of feeling creatively optimistic with our Pinterest vision boards and a toast with champagne at midnight, this threshold feels deeply personal. And with the sting of Virgo’s penchant for self-criticism, we are pretty much guaranteed to feel like we’re not good enough or didn’t do enough to feel worthy of celebration.
I struggle with thoughts like: I promised myself last year it would different this time. I would be different. I would be celebrating just how I imagined. I would be happy. Successful. In love. *insert adjective here. You get the point.
And I think it goes deeper than that. The sign of Virgo is associated with service. Speaking from my own lived experience, I pour exponentially more of myself into others needs than I do myself. So when you do that 364 days of the year, and this is the ONE day you raise your hopes that your devotion will be reflected back to you, you probably set an unrealistically high expectation. Needless to say, I have cried on most of my birthdays.
However — I am determined to shed at least some of that identity because it doesn’t serve you or even the people that care about you. Firstly, why place that expectation on other people? People will always reflect back to you the energy you project. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Drop the narrative, or examine the fact that you may be giving too much of yourself to meet others needs while ignoring your own.
The situation also sucks for the people that care about you, because by perpetuating the ‘I hate my birthday’ trope, it pushes away the good intentions of people that would like to celebrate you or make you feel valued and appreciated. I tried to pause this birthday and greet each message from people with a feeling of gratitude to disprove the belief that ‘people don’t really care about me.” It’s slow work, but it’s important work.
Remember one day a year does not reflect all that you are and all that you bring to this world as a human being. Take an inventory of all your blessings, focus on gratitude and celebrate in a way that truly honors who you are at this moment in time, whatever that looks like to you.
I’ll leave you with one of my favorite birthday memories — I stopped moping and started living. Happy Birthday fellow Virgos!